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Story… pt 5

bob —  November 14, 2008

In coming back to Portland, I was both coming home and leaving home. 

Burned out, spiritually adrift, lost in a number of ways, I was coming back to what was familiar- the last place that had been "home." But I was also leaving- dropping out of ministry, saying things like "If I never enter another evangelical church again, I'll be okay with that." I wasn't done with God (though I worried He might be done with me), but church was another issue altogether. 

I started the counseling program at Western reasoning I still needed to make a living and still desired to make a tangible difference vocationally… I really didn't know what else to do. 

I think in a lot of ways, that counseling program saved me. 

It was a time of learning new disciplines (which, by the way, I has missed by dropping from an MDiv program to an MA in theology) of sitting with people in their pain, listening, empathy and using tension rather than trying to dispel it- all things that I was sorely lacking in my pastoral toolbox and which kept me from being any kind of effective in ministry. 
But beyond that, in looking at the sickness of others I began to unpack more and more of my own, began to think diagnostically about why I did what I did- why did I do these things that caused myself (and others) pain? What unmet needs was I trying to get met in unhealthy ways? (For those who care, I really dig the psycho-dynamic orientation- it continues to inform my pastoral counseling. I think it's also much better suited to the idols/Gospel-focused counseling I try to do than say a more cognitive behavioral approach which most pastoral counseling seems to embrace.)

It was also a time of figuring out what was lacking in myself (both in my desire to make a difference for others and in what was driving my own behavior), of healing and growth. 

Of course, it wasn't long before I realized that it was hard for me to imagine a life not based around ministry- around counseling, yes- but also teaching and leading, and even more, around the Gospel. I began to make peace with not just myself, but the whole concept of Church as well…

Oddly enough, that happened at a ridiculously conservative church that regularly split, hurt people in grievous ways and ultimately helped lead us to starting Evergreen. 

to be cont'd
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story… pt 4

bob —  October 29, 2008

My first contact with Mark Driscoll had been a phone call in the late summer of '97. I was getting ready to graduate seminary, was looking high and low for a job, and had been doing some pre-pre-emergent kind of talking in our classes at Western. Someone suggested I call this guy in Seattle who had recently started a church because what I had been talking about sounded like what they were doing. I called, left a message, and lo and behold Mark called back. 

I figured I had nothing to lose, so I asked him for a job. 
He said, "Uh… we can hardly make rent right now…" 
That was a no, but worth the effort and very impressive that he called back. I now get calls and emails like this myself on a pretty regular basis…

But my first real experience with Mark and with Doug Pagitt, and a significant turn in the road came when I was introduced to both of them at the same time through a "Critical Concerns" course they did together (really!) at the National Youth Workers Convention in San Diego, 2000. I was getting ready to leave North Carolina, but wasn't sure what was coming next. All I knew was that I was burned out and tired, and what I had been doing just wasn't "working" anymore. 

So, enter Mark and Doug talking about "Postmodern Ministry". It blew my mind. 

I was ready. More than ready, I needed to hear what Mark and Doug were saying. No, I wasn't crazy. The "issues" I was beginning to have with church were real… suddenly, a LOT of things made sense. I loved the way they taught and talked and dialogued together. 

I got the tapes from that CC course and almost wore them out…

At the time, I liked Doug, but I loved Mark. He was someone thinking differently, who had the… errr…cajones to say some tough things to the church, Christians, the world… seemingly anyone and everyone :) And more than that, when I talked to him in person, told him a bit of where I was at in life/ministry and the fact that I was probably going to head back to the West Coast, Mark said something along the lines of "Give me a call- hey, who knows- maybe you might end up living at my house." He had four guys living in his basement. 


I dug the guy. 

I went back to Durham to ready myself for yet another move. I was quitting ministry, maybe for a long time, forever even, and going back to the West Coast to work on an MA in Counseling…
My choices were Western in Portland and Mars Hill Grad School in Seattle. 

I again called Mark and told him I was coming to Seattle to check out the scene… he seemed a little less enthusiastic, but since I was flying across the country, made some time for me.
It was December of 2000. I got there, found the church (at that time they were in a small church building they had been given) and Mark showed me around. He took me to their club, a couple of their community houses and finally to his home where he collapsed on the couch. We talked, but he was fairly taciturn- I'm pretty sure I caught him when he was very tired, and most likely at the tail end of the period when he would even consider personally showing some stranger from out of town that showed up on the doorstep around their ministry. 

Even though he never really asked much about me, where I was at, or even why I had come to him, Mark still impressed me with his bluntness as he described what he said to their people- "Hey! If you're not serving, get on down the road! If you are coming from 45 minutes away, find something closer to home! If you are coming from another church, stay there!"

He handed me off to someone in their community who put me up for the night, and the next day, after driving around for HOURS looking for Mars Hill Grad School, I finally gave up and went to Portland. I'm not sure what I was hoping to get from Seattle, or from Mark, but I didn't really find it. 

And as I drove out of Seattle, I knew it was going to be Portland. 


to be cont'd…
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Story… pt 3

bob —  October 24, 2008

Europe was an amazing adventure, and a fairly lonely time as well. I was a 27,28 year old in an expat church that looked mainly like 0-18 and then 35/40-60. I sat smack in the middle of an age gap with folks ten years on either side of me, and though they were good, caring people, and though I was blessed with a couple of good friends, the end result was not a lot of community for Bob. 

And not to put too fine a point on it, being a single guy in his 20's in Holland is not exactly an ideal situation. After 2 years (I wish now I'd stayed longer, but…) I decided to come back to the States. 
I landed in a small church in Durham, North Carolina and pretty quickly crashed and burned. 

There were a number of issues- underestimating the effect of re-entry, the pressure of coming into a church that 7 years on was a bit over a hundred adults and feeling like me as worship and youth guy had been pitched as a "solution." In addition, not terribly long after I got there, the other two people on staff moved on, leaving… me.

During this time my own personal spirituality suffered as well. I just wasn't walking the walk.

I remember clearly one day sitting at my desk staring listlessly at an open Bible. "If I wasn't afraid that someone would ask me if I was doing this… would I be doing this?" No, I concluded.
And that's when I knew I was in trouble- officially "burned out." 

Everything was wrong. My relationship with God, with others and especially this thing called "Church"… my ability to do anything with and for these kids I had been asked to shepherd. It all felt like a dead-end. And it all felt connected- like each had very much to do with the other, though what the connections were I couldn't quite put my finger on…

And I didn't know what the answer was either. I just knew I had to get out of there. I started plotting yet another move (my whole 20's was basically me moving from place to place after anywhere from a year and a half to 3 years in a place- San Diego, Alaska, Portland, the Netherlands, North Carolina…). 

It was around that time 2 things happened. 
I read "Church on the Other Side" and I met Mark Driscoll and Doug Pagitt. 

to be cont'd…
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Story… pt 2

bob —  October 22, 2008

As I said, Europe was a whole different world… not just in the sense of living cross-culturally (though honestly- Holland is about the most pro-American place on Continental Europe. The Dutch have long memories), but in the sense of finally swimming outside my limited baptist pool. 

Raised in the Baptist General Conference ("Sven, have you seen Pastor Anderson?" "No, I think he went back to a conference in Minneapolis with Arne, Erik and Gunnar."), educated in Baptist institutions (Christian Heritage College (Independent Baptist, now SBC) and Western Seminary (CBA), I eventually pastored in CBA churches and was ordained in the European Baptist Convention (an offshoot of the SBC)

That's a lot of Baptist. 

But it was that time in an international Baptist church in Holland that really started me on my journey to where I am now. 

Though Baptist in name, our church was made up of people from everywhere around the world- and from all different denominations- Anglicans, Presbyterians, Methodists… Nigerians, South Africans, Brits… It was a real melting pot, and more than anything, it exposed me for the first time to significantly different traditions and thought within Christianity. I prayed with Africans and ate with Australians and served alongside people from the Antilles and elsewhere. There were even a couple of Canadians!

But especially significant were my friendships with Ben Mizen and Ollie Harrison, two Anglican youth workers in my area. Ollie freaked me out five minutes into our first conversation by asking "So that's a California accent, is it?" I didn't know there was thing, much less that I had it…

Ben and I were and are probably closer to each other theologically, Ollie being a socialist,a  panentheist, and always trying to get me to eat Vegan, but over two years of hanging out (from 97-99), they both managed to convince me that there was more to the world than I had imagined before. 

And more to Jesus and His people than I had been able to grasp, either… 

To be cont'd…
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Story…

bob —  October 21, 2008

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After Seminary @ Western, I started pumping out the resumes like crazy. At that point, I think I knew I wasn't the "lifer" youth pastor I had once thought I was… but there weren't many other options out there for a 27 year old guy.

As an aside, it's always fascinated me that we've come to view youth ministry as the step up into adult ministry. Seems like it should be the other way around- teens can be tough- a lot tougher, in my opinion than working with adults. I think we should make people work with adults for 5 years minimum before letting them anywhere near the kids…

But that's where I was, so it was resume after resume to churches looking for someone to work with young people. My first candidating trip that summer was a pretty disastrous one to a church in Iowa to candidate for a college ministry position. I was woefully underprepared for the trip… I needed to spend a lot more time working through how the thoughts in my head could translate and be communicated. For instance… I was trying to explain a vision for "community" and it came out as "coffee." This was the mid 90' and I don't think Starbucks had yet reached Aimes, Iowa… so I was trying to express community in a third space, but I think all they heard was that my grand vision for ministry was drip coffee. 
You could almost hear them think "Next!"

After that, it was Lafayette, LA. and a youth position there. I remember walking outside of the house I was staying at there and feeling like I had walked into a sponge. I was like "Moist" from Dr Horrible the whole time there. Just dripping in the hot, hot, hot and 100% humidity. And they had drive through daiquiri stands and liquor stores! I can almost understand the drive through convenience store. Pick up a loaf of bread and a six pack. Sure. But the daiquiri stand? A drive through frozen liquor drink place? When it's 90+ degrees out? Uh…

They offered me the job. 

But the hitch was this: the day I had booked the tickets to LA, I gotten a call from Holland (you know- the Netherlands… where they speak Dutch. Yes, it's very confusing. I had to look it up on the map). They wanted to talk and eventually to fly me over and take a look at me. I told the church in LA that I was really interested, but HAD to chase down this opportunity in Europe. I mean, come on… Europe! 

It was a whole different world… in more ways than one. 

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